Stepdaddy
This might be flash fiction. Not sure. Doesn't matter.
Stepdaddy pokes his head into the boy’s room.
“You hitting the hay?” Stepdaddy asks.
“Yeah, just about to hit the hay,” the boy says.
“Sounds good,” Stepdaddy says. “But real quick, there’s something I think we need to talk about. It’s maybe a little awkward, so bear with me. I think you’re old enough now to know about what happens when two people love each other, is sort of what I want to discuss. Let me start with a question. Do you know about ding dongs?”
“Ding dongs?”
“Sure, you know, ding dongs,” Stepdaddy says. “A.K.A. tallywhackers?”
“You mean penises?”
“Penises. Ding dongs. The whole shebang. You know how the ding dong gets real happy, opens its little mouth, goes squirt squirt squirt?”
“You don’t have to explain ejaculation to me,” the boy says. “We learned about it in school.”
“Oh? What subject?”
“Not really a subject. It was like a special class. Sixth grade or something.”
“Ah, right. Sixth grade or something,” Stepdaddy says. “Just making sure. Well, I’ll hit the hay, too.”
Stepdaddy starts to leave, then turns back.
“Sorry, one more thing. Do you know about the little orbs up in a mommy’s tummy? How they get like jelly? Turn into juice? Make a big mess? You know about all that?”
“You seem a little uncomfortable talking about this sort of thing,” the boy says.
“Well, you know me. Just a nerdy old Stepdaddy. Sounds like you’ve got it covered. Anyhoo, there’s some hay that needs a little knocking around. Night, son.”
Stepdaddy starts to leave, then turns back.
“Hey, one more thing. Do you know how a bagina does?”
“What?”
“You know how that works? A bagina?”
“Have you ever had sex before?” the boy asks.
“Come to think, no. No, I’m a Stepdaddy, one of only I think a couple kinds of daddies that can be a virgin. But don’t worry. I love you like a sex daddy.”
“Have you come close?”
“Not by a long shot. Tell the truth, I don’t believe I’ve ever even seen my ding dong.”
“You’ve never seen your own penis?”
“No, if I saw it, I’d probably blush too hard. That’s why I take bubble baths.”
“What about when you pee?”
“Oh, I don’t really, quote, pee, unquote. Instead of drinking water, I just eat a lot of wet food.”
“If you’ve never seen your penis, do you even know it’s there?”
“I’ve never seen Jesus, but I know he’s in my heart.”
“Well,” the boy says, “maybe we should hold off on the sex talk for a while.”
“Sure thing, son,” Stepdaddy says. “We’ll revisit it tomorrow after your mom’s funeral. Well, there’s some hay with my name on it. Goodnight.”
“Goodnight, Carl,” the boy says.